During my first “yearly” medical exam in about seven years, I was told that I had reached that magical age. I needed a mammogram! I thought I could make an appointment and put that off a while, but NO. I was led immediately into a little room and the deed was done. It really wasn’t that bad. Not that I’d want to do it every day, but..you know…doable.
That started a whole series of events I’m not likely to forget, that ended with me undergoing a test at the hospital, sent there by the surgeon who saw me after the attack of the killer mammogram. All was well, but what a month that was last summer. Read on:
Within a week of the initial test, I was called and told to come back for another one. They’d found a “dense area” and needed to take a closer look. The mammogram, at that point, turned into something far more sinister than just a mere medical test. My friends, they took my poor defenseless boob, slammed it onto a vise grip and smashed it beyond reason until I was sure it would pop like the proverbial zit. (Yes, I am aware that zits are not proverbial.) But had it popped, I would have been the one that all mammograms, from that point on, was used for comparison purposes…and I was sure that was going to happen. Can’t you hear the techs talking:
“Don’t put any more pressure on that one, Bertha, you remember the Meg-Phenomenon!"
"Yes, Gertie, I heard! Hers popped like a zit."
“...and I heard she wouldn’t even clean it up.”
Ahh, the wonders of modern medicine and my imagination.
The one thing I learned last Christmas is not to procrastinate those wonderful thrilling exams. I am not old enough for the mammagram yet but am fast appraoching that age. Had I kept up on my exams I would have caught a tumor way before it was the size of a half football. It was a scary thing being told one minute I had ovarian cancer to I dont to I do. Well I did not, Praise the Lord, The tumor was a fluid tumor and was taken out laproscopically. YAYYY! Thankfully too we caught uterine cancer in the pre-pre stage and were able to reverse that through medicine. Lesson learned go to those exams. I keep telling myself if I had gone only one or two doctors would have seen my hoochie cooch but procrastination caused alot of doctors to venture into that unmentionable, lol. GO, go go to the exams. I am due one next month. I hate it but it beats the alternative.
ReplyDeleteroflol toooooo funny. i had mine today. i was ready to come home after being poked, prodded, jabbed, nudged and squeezed...and none of it pleasurable!
ReplyDeleteso cute that you made a funny entry about something that wasn't funny at the time; so thankful it all worked out at the end!
ReplyDeletebetty
Ouch. Great entry. It hurts just thinking about it. I am pretty sure the technician took my DDs and compressed them to the point of transparency. (Now, that I did not share on my blog! Ha Ha)
ReplyDeleteI am going to have a hard time, come Monday when I have my mammogram done not to think of what you wrote, and be still! LOL too funny!
ReplyDelete